Like this:

I believe it is my first ever Tagalog title in this site. It means, “We are just waiting for the right time to return – (local term for monsters in the Philippines, one that can fly, that can penetrate the ground, which can shape-shift, has super strength, and all that freaking super powers).

But I must give CREDIT to the imagination of Filipinos – all weaved in the outstanding folklore of the Aswang. You are not a Filipino if you have never heard of it, or know a kind of it. Yes, there are many kinds of it (manananggal, sigbin, kapre). And yes, I’ll bet my life you are a fake if you claim that you are a Filipino if you do not have knowledge about the famous Aswang.

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Aswang, however, was said to be a woven story of natives way back then when the Spaniards came to colonize the Philippines. Backward, or I should say simple, as the lives of the native Filipinos back then, they have been so creative in protecting their territories by forging stories of flesh-eating, man-like animals (cannibals, in some degree) present in their small towns, or barrios.

In fact, one of the famous stories I have heard when I was a young child was that of the notorious Tenyente Gimo. It was said that he cooks the gall and the intestines, and the heart, and what not of his enemies. He is a barrio chieftain who messes up with anyone who tries to disrupt the peacefulness of his barrio, in folklore it says Capiz in Panay Island or Dumanggas in Iloilo Province.

Moreover, young kids all over the Philippines in the late 90s have locked on their doors, stayed inside the houses, and crept incessantly under their pillows in order to protect themselves from the blood-sucking, child-eating Maria Labo, a woman who has gone out of her mind and was known to cook kids she kidnapped from anywhere.

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But what reminds me of Aswang? I can remember the stories of my oh-so-superstitious mother (something I admit I have grown accustomed with and is still practicing now – oh the backwardness of it!) — from the black cat which turns into a monster at night and you die when it passes by your front, the cut head of a priest or the grains of rice that will appear from your bruises when they are not given first aid since malunggay, an herbal medicine, is not applied, and the sound of the tiktik (half-bodied, blood-sucking, baby-eating lovely woman) which is louder when it’s far and softer when it’s near to the old man/ woman who pulls you on the bridge and calls you his/her daughter but only intends to throw you off the height (which really happened to my sister).

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I decided to give space on this one because of last night’s “misfortune”. I have somehow programmed my heart and mind that I will watch my long-awaited hot pussy cat-favorite cartoon character-Puss in Boots. But because of a silly decision to toss coin over it and the movie Aswang, I ended up by no means watching Aswang, last… full… show…

Here are some of the astonishing, somehow frustrating, but all the while hilarious bloopers of this modern time remake of Peque Gallaga’s film:

1.) Ang aswang sa baryo, may cutix (The Aswang in a barrio has its nails polished)

2.) Aguak is a kind of Aswang; it can pass through the ground, convert itself into a bat and fly, walk freely in day light, and can beat the crap out of anyone because of its super strength! (talk about omnipotent)

3.) Ang 500 php bill nga galapta sa dalan, paon sang Aguak (Aguak uses paper bills as trap for its prey)

4.) Stay on the stone if you are chased by an Aguak, it can only penetrate land (so, how about the barrios which were not “blessed” of roads, Aguak-ridden?)

5.) A man can put a 15php hair clip on the hair of a woman he likes on the first time they meet (beats me!)

6.) May aswang sa Pampanga (There is Aswang in Pampanga)

7.) An Aguak always wears long sleeves/ warmers

8.) An Aguak hardly takes a bath or changes clothes, they penetrate the soil anyway

9.) The young child, who was caught by an Aguak and pulled below the ground, emerged clean and tidy and her blouse is still as white as snow

10.) LANDLORDS ARE MONSTERS, LITERALLY!!!

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There goes my 150php.

But seriously, I must give credit to the Production Team of this modern Aswang film.

The cinematography was astounding!

The setting was perfect, well-thought of.

The special effects are actually total breakthroughs, more of that should have been better.

The lighting and the shots were genius, complemented by the amazing musical score.

The folklore, which is purely Pinoy, was captured – kudos to that.

HOWEVER, there is really something wrong with the story line. It was okay, but not a WOW. I must say that the actors/ actresses who played the Aguaks are really great. But the kids and the goons from Manila are… never mind.

And with this said, when’s the best time to return?

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